Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Old Love

I saw a movie today, Away from Her. It was an amazing story of devotion and deep love and sacrifice and the unconventional things a partner might do for the other's happiness. It was about separation and regret and retribution. It was about good memories and bad ones and saying goodbye. It was about a marriage--simply and at its most complex. It's not a generational movie--it's a very private look at the "every" couple, alone to deal with the desolation and decline of one partner succumbing to Alzheimers. This movie stirs up sadness and fear from a very insecure place down deep where I don't look every day within myself. The place where I realize I could ultimately be left alone if the one person I have alternately run to and pushed away for all of my adult life could become unrecognizable to me or me to him. I cling tight to my marriage while everything is good. I am thankful each night when it's been a good day. Life is mercurial--it feels optimistic to admit that to myself and to be grateful and be present in my marriage now. No guarantees that there will be time later to make up for lost time now.