Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Summertime and the living is easy?

It has been established that I don't like my job--but I didn't quit. I have a plan to quit, but it's a two year plan. But, I was so happy to be done for a few months and relax at home. School nursing is an excellent career June, July and August. But it's mid-July and I am getting bored. I am kind of reassured and relieved...because by the end of May, I was at the end of my rope emotionally and thought I would never want to go back to work. But being industrious for me is important and powerful. We all like to feel useful, don't we? We all should anyway. Some of us make work for ourselves because there isn't enough real work to do...I think some of my friends make their children their life's work and I am not sure that is good for any of them. I have always tried to balance family life, work life and my own needs. I happily have moved to a phase in my life where I don't feel like I have to explain why I want to do something just for myself--selfish as it may seem. Or more importantly, I don't feel like I have to explain why I don't want to do something. I used to feel guilty and under the microscope if I wasn't pulling my share of the community work to be done. I have done more than my share--PTO, Town Watch, fundraisers, babysitting/playgroups, etc. and all the while working part time and/or going to school. It's given me the power to occasionally go to a potluck without a dish or bottle in hand...and I don't think anybody is looking at me or judging me. More to the point, I don't care. That's nice. But going to work for money is a different thing. Compensation motivates and empowers. I am paid over the summer so I am trying to enjoy just not being busy. But it's hard. I feel like I should be cleaning, throwing in laundry, home improving, gardening....something! To be able to enjoy doing nothing...gotta move into that phase next!