Getting by

I'm on week three of parenting alone.  I'm not losing my mind but rather have gone into a one woman zone defense against life to take care of essentials only, and I'm losing the game late in the second half.  Chip is finally back for good on Friday.  That seems so far away right now I'm not even able to look forward to it yet. 

Of course, as I do, I set the bar high for absolutely no reason.  I'm still cooking dinner even though I said I wouldn't.  I didn't board the dog at the kennel even though I said I would.  The dryer broke of course because that's how the world works, so I'm hanging the laundry yet again.  I went to PetSmart, Walgreens and Bed Bath and Beyond on Sunday in a succession of errands that need no explanation if you're an American.  I put away the Halloween decorations and got the garden bedded for winter because it was warm on Sunday and we all know that it might have been the last time...for the snows can come at any time once the clocks fall back.  And I'm doing my 40 hours at work which was not something I thought I would be doing three months ago when this trip went into the calendar.

But it's all auto pilot and not a lot of joy goes with it.  It's just all the stuff that has to get done because I'm the only one to do it.  More pioneer woman than super woman.

Well, okay I'm being dramatic...but I think my facial expression is the same.

I'm lonely for Chip but it might be his fetch and run I'm really longing for; ungrateful, selfish wife that I am.  Although, I will say these girls of mine are good to me and minimally pulling their share of the load without much complaint, as well as being very fine company.  There are bright flashes of independence that shoot from beneath their eyelids when they lift them with a wink, like the aliens in Cocoon.  But they don't want to show the bright light to me too much because it just leads to more chores.
 
My camera is full of pictures that need downloading.  I haven't even bought my book club book for November.  The yarn basket sits full and untouched.  Pictures to be mailed, holiday planning, niece hat to be knit, Vanity Fair with Cher on the cover to be read.  It's that kind of stuff, the fun and frivolous stuff, the creative and artful side of me that isn't getting her due.  And life without the frivolous and the creative is not very merry, but rather quite perfunctory and colorless.

I'll be back soon.